on holiday?

I have to drive
I have my reasons, dear
It's cold outside
I hate the seasons here


My "real" semester ended with the winter holidays, but now I'm in the midst of the ever-intensive winter session. Three hours a day for three weeks. Fifteen weeks of a class condensed in twelve meetings. *whew*

Yuletide has come and gone, and although I really didn't feel that into it this year, by the time it rolled around I was ready. I cooked for christmas/yule/whatevs instead of thanksgiving this time around, and I was rather bold, I think: mashed potatoes with kale and olive oil, squash gratin, sweet roasted butternut squash. I kept some of the "regular" items regular, but everyone seemed to enjoy the different versions too. I wish I had had more time to put out my decorations, I do love my various tannenbaums and trinkets, but it's all said and done now, so no time to worry! New Year's Eve was spent at Yancy's home with The Hangover, junk food, a drop of beer here and there, and some lovely company. It was great! Very laid back, and I'm thankful for the bit of relaxation. I was really feeling out of sorts for a while with this crazy schedule and even with the two week break between fall and winter classes, that silly bank job got in the way of a lot of my plans. But again, no time to worry. Literally.

Besides various holidays and school and work, I've also gotten to see a lot of family recently. My cousin Chris just got married yesterday, so we got to hang out with a lot of my mom's side of the family. ALWAYS a good time! My love Christina turned twenty-six on friday, so we had a very chill party at her favorite watering hole in Salisbury. A good weekend all around. On a sadder note, we got to see a lot of Jim's dad's family due to the death of his stepfather, Charles. He had been ill for a while, and he finally passed on New Year's Day. Not the most wonderful way to start the year off, but sometimes we just don't get to choose. I wasn't close with Charles, but I do have grief for Jim's grandmother's loss, as well as the pain all their children and grandchildren are going through.

That was hard, but this part is harder.

Even though she was a stranger to me and my family, a little girl affected me in a way that I don't quite understand. I am not yet a parent, so I don't think I will fully feel the pain her family feels until the day that I have a child of my own. On December twenty-second, this little girl was taken from her home by a man. This man was no stranger to her or her family. On Christmas Day, her body was found. The search for this young lady with her whole life ahead of her gripped the entire lower peninsula for three days. Over three thousand people joined the official search for her, and thousands more searched their own property. When the word was released that a body was found, and that it was her, I am positive that anyone with a heart had at least a small piece of it break because of this loss. Delmarva is what we call a "small" peninsula - it's like our own world, everybody either knows or is related to everybody else somehow. As joyous as winter holidays are, this loss marred this past holiday and will absolutely affect future holidays. I will always think of this child on Christmas Day. I will think of her school friends that had to come back after break knowing they would never see her in class again. I will think of her family. I will even think of the anchorwoman whose voice cracked so terribly when the press conference confirming this child's death ended.

This is a small peninsula - things like this don't happen here...right?

harrr harrr harrr

this isn't just in my mind,
we're suspended from space and time...

International Talk Like a Pirate Day! awesome. We're going on a cruise in February to the Bahamas, I'm going to try my best to play a pirate on an island.

I took the initiative to talk to a financial aid counselor on Wednesday. Not really anything I didn't know, but I felt like I had to talk to a real person rather than finding info from the internets. I feel better knowing what kind of paperwork I need to turn in and having a time frame for everything. I have a completed application, the form to get my official college transcript released to UMES, and twenty-five dollars (non-refundable, of course!). Supposing I'm accepted, the financial aid party begins. We make too much money for federal aid, but not enough money to just pull it out of our asses and pay cash. That wouldn't be a bad thing, but keeping up with an old house isn't the cheapest living arrangement. And so, we press on...

And now for something completely different: 6g lobes! very exciting. I feel the need to be more tattooed, but stretching is a *much* less expensive mod, and it's very gratifying. I was skipping two gauges at a time previously (just 14g to 10g), buuut skipping from 10 to 6 was a little more intense. I think I'll stick to one gauge at a time from now on. It's getting to the point now that my co-workers are noticing the size changes. A teensy tiny part of me feels like I'm sticking it to the man just a little bit, and I like it! As per our company dress code, no piercings other than ears are permitted, and absolutely no visible tattoos. Indeed, we are a conservative financial institution. But, I am not a conservative representative for said financial institution. Sadly, I would rather have a consistently paying job than dress/be tattooed/be pierced as I wish I could be. Sometimes we have to make choices that are a means to an end. When my 401k is fully stocked and I don't have to report to someone else for my daily chores, it's on, you best believe it!

In other news, threadless.com has some awesome tees. I got a nine-dollar penguin (!!) shirt and a twelve-dollar non-penguin (is there any other distinction??) shirt. Black, with glow in the dark thingies all over. It don't get much better. Seriously, go there. It's the perfect time of year for new tee shirts! You can wear them under a HOODIE.

Also, more new Pyrex came into the family. Three pieces (one with a lid!) for ten bux. Goodwill, Salisbury. I think I may photograph my queendom of Pyrexia one day, just to watch it expand visually. I think I'm up to maybe twenty pieces now? ... I just had to go count! I was close - twenty-one patterned pieces. Do the batty bat :-D

lights in a tunnel...

on the sidewalk,
ooo sunny morning
lies a body
just oozin life

<---originally posted mar. 27, 2008--->

Once upon a time, there was a light at the end of my tunnel. For almost four years, it got dimmer and dimmer. I don't know exactly when it went out, but I woke up one day and it was gone.

I was scared.

I had to find my light! I cried and cried, and thought and thought about where my light went. Why would it just go out like that? I thought maybe the dimming would reverse one day, and my light would get bright again. I thought, "it's not that bad, you can make it until (insert catalytic event here) happens!"

NO.

I have spent four years of my life in a job that I once was overjoyed to have. It was a job, and once I thought it might be a career to keep for a while. The more time I spend there, the more my soul breaks into pieces.

I am surrounded by wonderful, miserable people, and I can't take it any longer.

So, I won't take it any longer.

I have a plan.

Wish me luck :-)

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